“I’ve been dating since I was fifteen, where is he I’m exhausted?” (Charlotte, Sex in the City). Before I got married I too would ask myself this question all the time. With every relationship I thought, he’s “the One.” But when the relationship ended, I was devastated and blamed myself.
During my single years, I was a “serial dater.” As soon as one relationship ended, I would jump right back into another one. I never learned how to be comfortable with just me because I was always with someone else. The truth is, I was afraid to be alone.
I looked to relationships as a means of affirmation like so many other young women. I felt most valued in a relationship. But because I was dependent on another person for my happiness, I never truly knew my own worth.
Every human heart desires to be loved. Within each of us, there’s a void that only God can fill. The problem is many of us are too afraid to be patient and trust God to fill that void. Too often, we give ourselves in a relationship in hopes of receiving a love that only God can give.
After so many failed relationships, I thought, "there must be something wrong with me." And no wonder I thought this. There’s so many “statistics” – particularly about successful black women – that predict we will never get married or if we do we will have to settle. Or better yet, if we do get married we’ll be an Old Maid and any chance of us having children will be gone. Then you have books like, “Think Like A Man,” that suggest there’s some magic dating plan to catching a man. But truth is, often times relationships don’t last because God doesn’t allow them to.
One day when I was having a “Tiffany moment” God lead me to a passage in Hosea.
Chap 2. verse 5 – 7: …[s]he said, I will go after my lovers, who give me my food and my water, my wool and my linen, my oil and my drink. Therefore I will block her path with thorn bushes: I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them…
Verse 14: Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.
Verse 16: In that day, declares the Lord you will call me Ishi, my husband.
After reading these scriptures something clicked! My relationships had ended because God wanted me to nurture a relationship with Him FIRST. I was so consumed with these other relationships that they had become a distraction and interference with my relationship God.
God wants to show you what real love looks and feels like so that you wont find yourself in destructive relationships out of dependency. Since the beginning of time God has been after one thing: your heart. Before you fall in love with another, God wants you to fall in love with Him. It’s only then that you can truly know what love is. Remember Adam in the Garden of Eden? God knew that Adam needed a companion. (Genesis 2: 18). But before God gave Adam a wife, He and Adam spent time together alone in the garden. It was through that intimate relationship that God recognized Adam’s need for a wife.
Singlehood is the perfect time for God to capture your heart and romance you. He wants to teach you what real love is all about, not the temporary emotion we see on television or read in fantasy romance novels. If you're exhausted from dating, maybe its time to take a break and pursue a relationship that is sure to last for a lifetime.